Falcon357 Posted July 30, 2005 Report Share Posted July 30, 2005 Sorry if this ones been done before... A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door: 1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp. 2) There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3) There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his *albatross*. 6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook. 8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the *beep* out of him. 9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his *albatross*. 10)We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.” 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body.” He did not say “ Eat me” . 12)The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry,. 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious Posted July 30, 2005 Report Share Posted July 30, 2005 mmm, Not bad, Gave me a chuckle Link to post Share on other sites
Fatality Posted July 30, 2005 Report Share Posted July 30, 2005 hah, thats funny stuff! gj Link to post Share on other sites
Butter18c Posted July 31, 2005 Report Share Posted July 31, 2005 oh man that was great Link to post Share on other sites
HaVoC Posted July 31, 2005 Report Share Posted July 31, 2005 Hehe, not bad Link to post Share on other sites
Spedz Posted July 31, 2005 Report Share Posted July 31, 2005 Old v. old buts still comical Link to post Share on other sites
TimeToDie Posted July 31, 2005 Report Share Posted July 31, 2005 beyond belief - it also helps that i'm a christian and our old rector was known to take a sip of vodka before a sermon. Link to post Share on other sites
mee Posted August 1, 2005 Report Share Posted August 1, 2005 I stopped going to church because it was boring. I'm sure if our pastor "sipped vodka" then I would go every sunday Link to post Share on other sites
PlasticMag Posted August 1, 2005 Report Share Posted August 1, 2005 Pretty funny... I got a chuckle. Link to post Share on other sites
sniper_boi Posted August 3, 2005 Report Share Posted August 3, 2005 I lol'd. Link to post Share on other sites
The n00b wh0 pwns Posted August 7, 2005 Report Share Posted August 7, 2005 Link to post Share on other sites
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