F16 vs C130

[visionviper]

A C-130 was en route on a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.

 

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "watch this!" He went into a Barrel roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he reached the speed of sound.

 

The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.

 

The C-130 pilot responded "that was impressive, but watch this."

 

The C-130 droned along for about 15 minutes then the 130 pilot came back on and said "What did you think about that?"

 

The 16 pilot asked, "what did you do?"

 

The C-130 pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back poured a cup of coffee and WENT TO THE BATHROOM . Any questions ??"

[clmwrx]

Lol thats pretty good

[Night_raven]

 

Very good, .. very very good.

[oikoik]

lol, i likey

 

tho fighter pilots can use the 'relief bag' [piddle packs?] for when they need to go. dont know about number 2's tho..

 

hehe, and the vertical zipper in flightsuits gets handy 'jaws of death' lol

 

iirc female pilots can use freshettes, travel johns, lady j's and also 'ultra' absorbent panties, and tampons recommended rather than pads.

[doc_newstead]

iirc female pilots can use freshettes, travel johns, lady j's and also 'ultra' absorbent panties, and tampons recommended rather than pads.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Coming from anyone other than oikoik, that would have seemed odd.

[slip_stream11]

One day, a C130 was cruising along, when a cocky F4 Phantom pilot cruised up.

He said, "Hey, watch this!" and shut one of his engines off while doing a barrel roll.

"Yeah," replied the transport pilot, "But watch this:" and shuts off two of his engines for ten minutes while dropping Green Beret paratroopers.

"So? Whatchya think, eh?"

"Oh, well, erm, that's very nice and all, erm.. I GOTTA GO! *speeds away at moch 1.6*"

That's the one I originally thought this topic is, but I like yours more.

And yes, those zippers SUX.

Cheers,

Matt

[doc_newstead]

One day, a C130 was cruising along, when a cocky F4 Phantom pilot cruised up.

He said, "Hey, watch this!" and shut one of his engines off while doing a barrel roll.

"Yeah," replied the transport pilot, "But watch this:" and shuts off two of his engines for ten minutes while dropping Green Beret paratroopers.

"So?  Whatchya think, eh?"

"Oh, well, erm, that's very nice and all, erm..  I GOTTA GO! *speeds away at moch 1.6*"

That's the one I originally thought this topic is, but I like yours more.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

[Misfit]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Agreed.

[oikoik]

i gather the green berets thing meant they were over enemy territory and the fighter pilot suddenly clicked that they were over a dodgy area? or something vaguely like that.. *pauses* ....

 

erm.. heres another one:

 

An F-16, after refueling behind a KC-135, was generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering tanker. The message for the KC-135 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

 

Not to be out done, the tanker pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The KC-135 continued its flight, straight and level, however. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"

 

"We just shut down two engines."

[slip_stream11]

Right, that's the one I meant; sorry for mine, it was off of my memory from one like Oikoik's told to me more than 4 years ago.

Cheers

Matt

[oikoik]

Right, that's the one I meant; sorry for mine, it was off of my memory from one like Oikoik's told to me more than 4 years ago.

Cheers

Matt

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol, i've just twigged that they were the same jokes

 

hehe

 

here another one:

 

A USAF pilot is relaxing on the taxi way at Sarajevo IAP (after the war in Bosnia) and notices a Russian AF Il-76 on parked on the runway. As he's wandering over to chat to the Ruskies he spots a fuel leak under the port wing and a maintainence crew enjoying a smoke under the starboard wing. He rushes over to the crew yelling, "Guys guys there's a fuel leak under the left wing!"

The Russians look at him as though he is deranged and one of them, in the tones of someone trying to calm down a mad man says, "Thats right comrade, that is why we are under the right wing."

 

and some more:

 

An airlines manual report describing plane crash : "Involuntary conversion of a 727..."

 

anotehr true one apparently:

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game.

 

Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turnaround and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.

 

Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and over fly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

 

uh some more

 

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."

N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"

ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."

N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"

ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."

N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

 

another variation on slip_stream11's joke:

 

A couple of TAC pilots were flying F-4s in escort with a B-52 bomber and were chinning with the pilot of the bomber to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes made for more interesting flying because of their maneuverability, acceleration and the like. The B-52 pilot replied "Yeah? Well this old girl can do a few tricks you guys can't even touch." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Watch," he tells them.

After several minutes the bomber pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?" Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about?" Reply, "Well, I went for a little stroll, got a cup of coffee and went downstairs for a chat with the navigator."

 

and another:

 

Helicopter Pilot: "Roger, I'm holding at 3000 over (such-and-such) beacon".

 

Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that beacon!"

 

(brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my co-pilot."

 

One passenger was very worried about getting on an airplane that had a bomb on board.

The argument that this was less than a one in a million chance really was not working.

So the booking agent suggested that the passenger carry a bomb on board, for the chance of getting on an airplane with two bombs on board was so small as to be almost never.

 

There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were.

It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, "I'm going to eat you."

 

The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers around the world.

 

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

 

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down -

San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

 

Taxiing down the tarmac, a DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant. "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

 

A Pan Am 727 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:

 

Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

 

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

 

Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

 

Unknown voice from another plane (in a British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

 

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

 

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate."

 

The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

 

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

 

 

Two drunk fighter pilots are flying in formation.

Leader to W1: "Can you see me?"

W1 to Leader: "No.""Can you see ME?"

Leader to W1: "No."

W1 to Leader: "Cool, now we are stealth fighters."

 

One day, a general of the Army, an Admiral, and an Air Force General are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver.

 

So the Admiral yells to a passing Sailor, "Sailor, catch that falling anchor!" The Sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it. The Admiral turns to the others and says "Gentlemen, that was bravery."

 

The Army General says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private, stop that moving tank!" The Private snaps to attention, shouts "Yes, sir!" and is crushed under the tank while trying to stop it. The Army General turns back to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that took guts."

 

Finally, the Air Force General takes his turn. "Airman, catch that landing plane." The Airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir." The Air Force General turns to the others and`says, "Gentlemen, that took balls."

[Lord Blackgoat]

LOL

those are great! give more!

[slip_stream11]

...Unknown voice from another plane (in a British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Excellent, I just gave you a + one.

I love you Brits; your accents always come out of nowhere to answer questions like this

Cheers!

Matt

[Connery]

There's a story about a C-124 and an F-4 on intersecting taxiways at Rhein-Main long ago. The F-4 driver asked Ground what the Globe-master's intentions were.

It is said that the C-124 pilot opened the clamshell doors in the nose and announced, "I'm going to eat you."

 

[Sledge]

I'm considering adopting "because you lost the bloody war" as my official answer to all dumb questions. That would replace "because you touch yourself at night."

 

[slip_stream11]

I'm considering adopting "because you lost the bloody war" as my official answer to all dumb questions. That would replace "because you touch yourself at night."

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

SIG-WORTHY!!!!!!

[Lord Blackgoat]

Random Noob : "why do you say that i touch myself at night?"

 

Sledge : "because you lost the bloody war!"

 

...

 

Poor noobs.

[Fox_Starwing]

Got another one,

 

An F-16 and a C-130 are cruising along, when the F-16 pilot calls over the radio "Hey, watch this!" He pulls in front of the C-130, lights up his burner and performs three quick snap rolls before looping up and coming back alongside the C-130. The pilot of the C-130 replies, "Hey, thats pretty neat. Can you do that again for my co-pilot when he gets back. He's getting his steak out of the oven."

 

Owned...

 

There have got to be millions of variations of this joke.

[Kyrian_Zenda]

This is an actual log in a pilot/mechanic log book. If the pilot notices something wrong during the flight, he notes it down in the log, which the mechanic looks at, repairs if they can, then logs what they did. Observe:

 

PILOT: Something rattling in the cockpit

MECHANIC: Something tightened in the cockpit

[AlphaBravo]

All, apperently, TRUE ATC conversations;

 

The pilot of an airliner requested a clearance from 25,000 feet to cruise altitude of 31,000 feet. The conversation went something like this:

 

United 402: "United 402 requesting climb to flight level 310"

 

ATC: "United 402 maintain flight level 250 for noise abatement".

 

United 402: "What do you mean maintain 250 'for noise abatement'?".

 

ATC: "If you climb and hit the traffic at 270, there will be a big noise.".

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Supposedly Heard On The Air (said with a slow, Eton type accent)...

 

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723

 

HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre, go ahead

 

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723 has a message for you

 

HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre is ready to copy message

 

BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, message is as follows: Mayday, Mayday, Mayday ....

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Lots of commercial aircraft are stacked up waiting for approach to O'Hare Int'l, ATC has inflicted numerous delays, and some planes are already 1-2 hours late. The WX is good, it's just that there is a traffic bottleneck somewhere. Pilots, passengers, crew are all getting quite frustrated and angry.

 

ATC: "All aircraft holding, expect 20 minutes additional delay."

 

Unknown A/C: "Ahhh . . . bullsh*t!"

 

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself."

 

(silence)

 

ATC: "Aircraft making last transmission, identify yourself immediately!"

 

(silence)

 

ATC: "Aircraft using 'bullpoopoo' in last transmission, identify yourself.

American 411, was that you?"

 

American 411: "Approach, American 411: negative on the 'bullpoopoo,' sir."

 

NW 202: "Approach, NW 202: negative on the 'bullpoopoo.'"

 

Delta 55: "Approach, Delta 55: negative on the 'bullpoopoo.'"

 

NW 33: "Approach, NW 33: we have a negative on that 'bullpoopoo.'"

 

. . . and so on, right through the entire pattern.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Scene 1: it's night over Las Vegas, information Hotel is current and mooney 33W is unfamiliar with procedure and talking to approach control...

 

Approach: 33W confirm you have hotel.

 

33W: Uhhhmm, we're flying into McCarren International. Uhhhmm, we don't have a hotel room yet.

 

approach control was laughing too hard to respond. The next several calls went like this:

 

Approach: United 5, descend to FL220.

 

United 5: United 5 down to FL220; we don't have a hotel room either.

[brgold]

hahaha all hilarious posts!!

[Sledge]

Apparently there was a good one where a British plane had been waiting for clearance for some time, when a German plane was cleared ahead of them, after waiting only a few minutes.

British Pilot: Why the hell are you giving them clearance ahead of us?!

German Pilot: Because we got to the airport early this morning and put our towels on the runway.

 

And people think the Germans have no sense of humour.

 

[GaMeFrEAK1018]

Apparently there was a good one where a British plane had been waiting for clearance for some time, when a German plane was cleared ahead of them, after waiting only a few minutes.

British Pilot: Why the hell are you giving them clearance ahead of us?!

German Pilot: Because we got to the airport early this morning and put our towels on the runway.

 

And people think the Germans have no sense of humour.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

i dont get it.....

[enzo100]

i officialy love this thread

[Shoot&Loot]

Pilot: Autolanding was a little rough.

 

GC: Autolanding is not installed on your aircraft.